South american reflections

Warning! Classic self-indulgent, no-one-else-will-listen-so-I-will-post-my-inner-thoughts-on-the-web blog posting ahead! I've been home for a couple of weeks now but at least its given me some time to reflect back on my time in South America.

What can I say about my time there? Amazing, unbelievable, heart-breaking, eye-opening to say the least. Though I did come home in the middle of my trip for Christmas, it was still the longest I've been away from home. I feel like I've learned so much about what I'm capable of and how far I can push myself. I always felt like a true test of character and strength is seeing how one does outside their comfort zone and in an entirely new environment. If anything, this trip has taught me to accept who I am and become a more confident person. I'm learning how to truly take care of myself and how to follow my heart, from working in non-profit to building my own itinerary. I've always known that I'm an independent person but its amazing the things I can now accomplish for myself. It sounds so basic but in a lot of ways I feel like I've lost that over the last 3 years. At my last job, they never expect you to develop your own ideas but instead just expect you to suck it up and do as your told. The faster and better you take orders, the more you are rewarded. I found myself losing confidence in my ideas and who I was since every idea or workproduct I came up with was always assumed wrong until proven right.

But that's all in the past! My travels have given me confidence but also more awareness of the world around me. I love meeting new people and seeing the world from their perspectives. Surprisingly, the US is not the center of the universe and we aren't always right. Debating about religion, politics and culture with Argentinos, Brits, Bolivians, the Irish, the Dutch, everyone has been refreshing and eye-opening. Not to mention my volunteer work. Its been the complete opposite of any type of work I've done in the past and that also has been good for my soul. I feel the plights of my students and their families not only because I've become more educated about the AIDS problem in Argentina and South America in general but also because I've gotten to know and care about each and every person I've worked with. Having that one-on-one connection has been both a blessing and a curse. I'm fully invested and my heart wrenches at all the things I want to do but am unable to. If I fail to deliver, I can see the direct effects with my very own eyes. That's totally different than making sweeping, life-changing decisions from a boardroom. But its given me new motivation. It will be interesting to see if how I can weave it into my career.

See what traveling has done to me? Its made me question everything I've based my life on to this point. There have definitely been times where I just get caught up in the petty, day-to-day aspects of it but I've also had those Deep Thought moments as well to contemplate my life and the universe. Well, I hope it lasts. Traveling was supposed to be this life-changing experience that gives me more awareness and maturity. Only time will tell! After all I have 4 months ahead!

Whew, I've got way too much time on my hands. I'm also turning to mush. My parents have taken away my car so I spend most of time watching downloaded TV shows, talking on the phone and eating, eating, eating. I can barely fit into any of my clothes now! But hey! I'm on vacation! I should enjoy it!